If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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