I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
