I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
