I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
