just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
