Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
