And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
