I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
