As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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