I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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