I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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