I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
