I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
