Quick, to the slutcave!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
