I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
