He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
