He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
