and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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