I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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