My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
