Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
