wrigley field is MILF paradise
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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