she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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