He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
