we're blogging at a bar
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
