He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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