i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
