it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
