I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
