You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
