Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
