Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
