Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
