I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
