Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Randomize
