My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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