My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
