i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
