i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
