Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
