Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
