Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
