Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They took my balls.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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