i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
