He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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