I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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