dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
