So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I will be naked everywhere
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
