I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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