Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
